My Obsession, My Addiction, My Redemption
by curvesforever
Summary: Beth's story that wasn't seen by anyone, her destuctive obsession, pain - set after the show ends


My obsession, My addiction. My redemption - Moonlight

(Look to the bottom for all the rights and regulations please)

I know I shouldn't keep coming back but I do. Some would say I don't love Mick if I'm doing this but I do love him, more than I thought I could, more than I loved Josh. And when we make love he makes me scream his name but there is something missing, always missing. Mick loves me like I'm a priceless piece of art, too strong a touch and I'll crumble. But I don't want that, what I do when he leaves town, its a luxurious indulgence of my more masochistic, cruel side but I can't help it, I need it, I'm addicted. When Mick is off with his cases, I drive straight to Him and the days aren't long enough. Its not hurting anyone but me and its not like He has a conscience to speak of.

Wild, primal, vicious, self satisfying. We take from each other what we need and feelings don't come into it, its perfect that way. The way he touches me is like fire scorching my every nerve and an eruption of pleasure beneath my skin. Its not that Mick doesn't make me finish, he does and its beautiful in its simplicity, his touches do everything that they're supposed to, each caress is felt, each kiss is full of love,each word is spoken with love and poetic romanticism. But that's the problem I like it but its not what I need, what I crave when he takes me into his arms. But when Mick's gone, I run to Him and its what my heart, body and soul crave and He is more than happy to oblige. His touches aren't sweet and full of love, they are angry and possessive and full of lust, and its what I need.

When I fall into His arms I am reduced to pleading and begging for release, the things He makes me beg for, the words that spill out of my mouth at His command are like nothing I would ever say but He knows and so do I that its what I truly crave. His touches are rough, bruising and animalistic, His words are spat at me with all the force His nature presents Him, and His kiss is electric and possessive and commanding.

It always starts the same, I walk into the room and His voice is seductive and quiet, and I can feel the power that surrounds him and it crackles on my skin, shooting though my clothes to bare skin beneath ready to receive all He can give to me, to make a map of his hands and mouths desire across my body. Then I walk towards Him, wind my arms around his shoulders and He will bring his hands up to my wrists and bring them to his lips for a small but gentle kiss, and that's when my body heat starts to rise like a volcano ready for eruption, He'll turn in his chair and force me away, to the floor and I stare up to Him, lust and anger in both our eyes. Our passion and our anger is what makes us complete when we fuck, because that's what we do, there are no gentle touches, no soft spoken words, no adoration in our eyes. Because that's not what we need from each other. Because when we are apart we are broken and together we fit and make a picture full of fire and ice, of hatred and passion, of jealousy and regret and of the anger of stolen lives.

Many people would wonder why we do this, its angry and full of hate and completely self destructive on both parts but that is what makes it so addictive, the danger of being caught, of how our secret will be uncovered, of finding the true reason that we tell our selves that we do this, of all the memories that spur us on and make us more determined to destroy each other.

When we are fucking, the memories of our pasts make it even more violent and hurtful. When the memory of past lives and loves comes with us it makes an explosive concoction, He'll bring up Josh and how it was my fault, all my fault that he got killed and how I didn't ever love him like I loved to fuck Him, and how I was a heartless bitch for using Mick . And when He does that I'll bring up His beloved Sarah and how He failed her by not being able to turn her, how it was His fault that she would never wake up, for the rest of his eternal life He would have to live with the fact that He was a heartless bastard. Because that is why we do this, He does it to try to run from the pain of his Sarah, in the full bloom of her beauty never to wake up again, and I do this to escape the pain of betrayal I felt from Mick, my childhood protector, not saving the man I claimed to love and the heartbreak from watching Josh die in front of me unable to take his pain away.

So this is the reason that I started this, because I needed to have someone to vent my pain on and He needed someone to use. Some may call me fucked up and others may understand. The need we both share to have someone hurt us, and to hurt like we've been in the past. So when at the end of the night when we've fucked each other into exhaustion and are unable to sustain any more hits to body and mind. I count the bruises and cuts and bites and He counts the scratches and the slaps and gouges. And even when we are still both full of hate and anger towards each other and ourselves, we come to the end which both of us crave more than the bruises and the pain, I will roll over paining my broken body and curl into his side and feel his alabaster skin beneath my fingertips and his strong arms will wrap around me and will gently sooth all of the pain he inflicted, with small touches and gentle kisses, as I do the same. And I think this is what I was supposed to find and receive because even though we can pleasure each other through pain and pleasure alike and when we finish we can call out other peoples names, but for each other there is nothing else that makes our existence bearable. When Mick comes home I hide the still fading bruises, the still healing cuts, so that when Mick comes to love me like he likes to, with small kisses and declarations of love with flowers and romantic dinners I can sit there and smile and kiss him back like he wants and I'll be able to think of all the twisted, painful, things I'll do to Him when we get the chance, and so when the bruises have faded and the cuts healed and Mick will make love to me I'll be able to make him explode with little kisses and sweet nothings and all the while I will have the phone connected to Josef's number and make Him listen to it to make Him even more angry and eventually Mick will leave again, he always does, and then I will get my obsession, my addiction and eventually with Josef I will get my redemption.

And when I do, maybe I'll stop the visits and the pain but I think for me, its what I will always need from Josef and the pain and the angry words could give way to something we both want but will never admit to, to each other. Because I just might be …...

Authors Note

I'll do all the needed stuff down here and not needed at all as well 'cos I'm like that:

1 I obviously don't own anything to do with Moonlight 'cept the DVDs

2 I hate the stupid twilight vampires, NOBODY FECKING SPARKLES MATE!, it might be unrelated but still had to get it out there again since I've been writing a one shot about vampires so, my logic, my story

3 I wrote this when trapped in a car for 8 hours straight with my parents, and I listened to Adele "Turning Tables" repeatedly so you might want to listen to it to. This is not a song fic, its just the music without the lyrics that my muse was inspired by.

4 I'll be going now until next time so enjoy and tell me what you think, duck.

Regards CurvesForEver


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